President Mamoud Ahmadinejad defended Iran’s nuclear program in a speech before a group of Islamic clerics, stating, “The Iranian nation has an inalienable right to become a nuclear target.” Then, conflating a calculated reference to The Declaration of Independence with railway transportation, he added, “The train of the Iranian nation is without brakes and a rear gear. We dismantled the rear gear and brakes of the train and threw them away sometime ago."

“But what happens after we have a nuclear weapon?” a cleric dared to ask.

“I was just getting to that,” he replied. “Now, some of you might wonder, what is likely to happen as Iran gets closer to having a nuclear weapon? What else? We’ll be attacked.

"And what if we actually threaten to use a nuclear weapon? You guessed it. We’re certain to be attacked.

"And what if we actually succeed in using a nuclear weapon? You guessed right again. We’ll be attacked – and no doubt with nuclear weapons.

"And who will attack us? Israel? America? England? France? Russia? China? The truth is, there are so many nations that might attack us we have absolutely nothing to worry about. We can be certain that one or more of these nations will attack us.

"And, if things go as they well might, we may be attacked by nearly all of them. But don’t worry. We’ll be going up in smoke for Allah. So we have nothing to fear.

"And, let me assure you, my intentions are in no way guided by a subliminal death wish. Nothing could be further from the truth. I’m very outspoken about my intentions.

"And no nation – not America, not Israel, not all the European infidels taken together, can deter the Iranian nation. We will become a nuclear target. It is our destiny, that is, unless somebody has a better idea.

"Then, like George Bush, I will entertain it before I dismiss it. Now, I’d like to hear it if anybody has a better plan.”

To encourage participation, the guards beside him presented arms. Noticing the potential fusillade, the clerics seemed in complete agreement with him.

“I’m glad you agree with the plan,” Ahmadinejad said. Then, continuing his recent references to American parlance, he effused, “Life, liberty, and the pursuit of nukes! United we die; divided we disagree! I have a nuclear dream! And, mark my words, the end is near!”